Huge muscular steaming bodies
I went to the race track today... (This blog is turning out hilariously.) I used to be their sort of-official photographer as I've been an 97% obsessively faithful visitor but now they've gone back to the evil OTHER PHOTOGRAPHER.
*drools over his pics for a while*
Cough... Where was I... Yes. I'm completely offended and will now go commit suicide under the bridge, the unemployed photographer's home from now on, ya know. Not really... But they could have ASKED me if I had anything better to do this year... which they haven't, and I haven't... Communications have been a bit bad but I know they knew how to contact me. Heck, I e-mailed one of their people a few weeks ago.
None of us losing much, the only thing they'd got right in the wee printed program was my mobile phone number:
Phone: "I DON'T WANT A LOVER..."
Yoze: "Y'ello."
Horse owner: "Are you at the track today? Will you shoot my horse if she wins?"
Yoze: "Yes... And yes... And if I wasn't here, I'd pick one of my *COUGH*many*COUGH* friends out of the warm and wonderful online photography community where everyone worships me seven times daily. Though you might want a trained vet to shoot your horse if she breaks her leg."
Horse owner: "Phew! That's wonderful!"
Yoze: "Not really... Were I so unprofessional as to ever skip this duty without notice you could sue my arse and buy every horse in Kentucky. Or summat."
Phone: "Click."
Phone: "I DON'T WANT A LOVER... I JUST NEE-"
Yoze: "NOW WHAT?!"
Horse owner: "WE WON!!! So could you please send all the perfectly sharp and existing photos you took of [the weirdest horse name ever] to [inaudible addy], after you've photoshopped them to perfection, oh, and include a frame, OK? 100 x 70 cm should do it! Bye bye!"
What they'd got wrong was my home number... So perhaps there is some confused old lady out there getting loads of...
sniffle...
lucrative calls from...
sniff...
rich-arse horse owners...
I THINK NOT! :D Think I did call this person sometime, though. So no one can blame me. *growl* Then I hinted to the race track people that maybe they should correct the home number.
Hmm... I should just have made that bloody photo site from the start and given them nothing but the addy to print.
Not that I've been keeping my mobile phone on a lot, as I'm trying not to get cancer, but Theeeey HAVE used my home number in the past. E-mail too.
Ah, bugger! No wonder they hated and fired my arse! They probably only let me stay for 1.3 seasons because they had more important things on their mind... They're curing all their childhood diseases and now the turn has come to me. Wonder what the OTHER PHOTOGRAPHER was up to in the meantime, since they asked lil ole me to shoot the horses.
Now I'm 4000% more motivated to endorse the site myself, I suppose... I SHALL INFECT EVERYONE WITH THE ADDY, MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! Owners... Tracks... Horse communities... Riding schools... Ahhh. And then I'll e-mail THE track and ask "Whyyyyy?" (I have a CV to think about.) "And I'm so suicidal!" (Not at the moment.) "That was my only source of income!" (Luckily not.)
Mmhm...
Anyway, think today's photos sucked... And I broke a fence by standing on it... See, I had to, since the OTHER PHOTOGRAPHER keeps running in front of me the whole time and he's taller. A kid was also standing on the fence but no, I didn't manage to kill any children today. (Hmm... not directly, that is...)
Yoze: "Feck, I'd better act concerned."
Yoze: "OMG, are you all right?!"
Kid: "Um... yeah?"
Kiddo was a hardarse kid jockey who'd probably fallen off higher and faster things than fences.
-----------------------
The perfect and existing photos from today won't be online for a while though, since I'm going on a bit of a school trip... For a week... Geology stuff... I happen to know the hotel (no... we're not bringing tents... hehehe...!) knows their gourmet (well, so it seemed) vegan CuIsIiIiIiIiIiInE and I guess we're gonna spend the sunny (YES!!! SUNNY, DAMMIT, SUNNY!) days staring at rocks and at night my classmates will party for hours, leaving me free to relax with some Sonnet 130. (Gotta bring something Alan, don't I.) And... a... school book...
Perfect, except, according to a list, it looks like I'll be roomies with...
A GUY!!! :O
COOTIES!!!
Nothing against him, but, erm, if we end up being the ONLY mixed roomies (that'd be my luck, and the first time in history as I know it, and ya know, I know it all) everyone will think I have much less against him than I have...! Or worse, HE will think I'm stalking him. I was only sitting next to him in class and signed my name on the school trip list after him... Naturally... Did someone interpret that as "WE'RE SHAGGERS"?
I'll ask the receptionist if there's any possibility of swapping people around, once we get there... In which case everyone will think I
a) hate the guy
b) stalk someone else
c) am trying to break up another pair
Yay... Paranoia...
Must act cool... By listening to Shakespeare and making out with the book...
Maybe we're not the only mixed roomies at all... In fact, if they mixed the guy and me, most likely they just broke the entire list into pairs... We're supposed to be cool bio-students who can speak of SSSEEEXXX over professional dinners -
Student 1: "...and then we killed the worms while they were having sex."
Student 2: "This rice is extreeeeeemely interesting! A hybrid, no? What had sex with what?"
- and not get all worked up over the gender of one's roomie BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER, GET IT?! *stares around angrily*
Only in the movies would I inevitably fall deeply in passion with the guy. I hope no one else on the trip has seen to many movies.
Urgh.
*hits sonnet button*
*drools over his pics for a while*
Cough... Where was I... Yes. I'm completely offended and will now go commit suicide under the bridge, the unemployed photographer's home from now on, ya know. Not really... But they could have ASKED me if I had anything better to do this year... which they haven't, and I haven't... Communications have been a bit bad but I know they knew how to contact me. Heck, I e-mailed one of their people a few weeks ago.
None of us losing much, the only thing they'd got right in the wee printed program was my mobile phone number:
Phone: "I DON'T WANT A LOVER..."
Yoze: "Y'ello."
Horse owner: "Are you at the track today? Will you shoot my horse if she wins?"
Yoze: "Yes... And yes... And if I wasn't here, I'd pick one of my *COUGH*many*COUGH* friends out of the warm and wonderful online photography community where everyone worships me seven times daily. Though you might want a trained vet to shoot your horse if she breaks her leg."
Horse owner: "Phew! That's wonderful!"
Yoze: "Not really... Were I so unprofessional as to ever skip this duty without notice you could sue my arse and buy every horse in Kentucky. Or summat."
Phone: "Click."
Phone: "I DON'T WANT A LOVER... I JUST NEE-"
Yoze: "NOW WHAT?!"
Horse owner: "WE WON!!! So could you please send all the perfectly sharp and existing photos you took of [the weirdest horse name ever] to [inaudible addy], after you've photoshopped them to perfection, oh, and include a frame, OK? 100 x 70 cm should do it! Bye bye!"
What they'd got wrong was my home number... So perhaps there is some confused old lady out there getting loads of...
sniffle...
lucrative calls from...
sniff...
rich-arse horse owners...
I THINK NOT! :D Think I did call this person sometime, though. So no one can blame me. *growl* Then I hinted to the race track people that maybe they should correct the home number.
Hmm... I should just have made that bloody photo site from the start and given them nothing but the addy to print.
Not that I've been keeping my mobile phone on a lot, as I'm trying not to get cancer, but Theeeey HAVE used my home number in the past. E-mail too.
Ah, bugger! No wonder they hated and fired my arse! They probably only let me stay for 1.3 seasons because they had more important things on their mind... They're curing all their childhood diseases and now the turn has come to me. Wonder what the OTHER PHOTOGRAPHER was up to in the meantime, since they asked lil ole me to shoot the horses.
Now I'm 4000% more motivated to endorse the site myself, I suppose... I SHALL INFECT EVERYONE WITH THE ADDY, MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! Owners... Tracks... Horse communities... Riding schools... Ahhh. And then I'll e-mail THE track and ask "Whyyyyy?" (I have a CV to think about.) "And I'm so suicidal!" (Not at the moment.) "That was my only source of income!" (Luckily not.)
Mmhm...
Anyway, think today's photos sucked... And I broke a fence by standing on it... See, I had to, since the OTHER PHOTOGRAPHER keeps running in front of me the whole time and he's taller. A kid was also standing on the fence but no, I didn't manage to kill any children today. (Hmm... not directly, that is...)
Yoze: "Feck, I'd better act concerned."
Yoze: "OMG, are you all right?!"
Kid: "Um... yeah?"
Kiddo was a hardarse kid jockey who'd probably fallen off higher and faster things than fences.
-----------------------
The perfect and existing photos from today won't be online for a while though, since I'm going on a bit of a school trip... For a week... Geology stuff... I happen to know the hotel (no... we're not bringing tents... hehehe...!) knows their gourmet (well, so it seemed) vegan CuIsIiIiIiIiIiInE and I guess we're gonna spend the sunny (YES!!! SUNNY, DAMMIT, SUNNY!) days staring at rocks and at night my classmates will party for hours, leaving me free to relax with some Sonnet 130. (Gotta bring something Alan, don't I.) And... a... school book...
Perfect, except, according to a list, it looks like I'll be roomies with...
A GUY!!! :O
COOTIES!!!
Nothing against him, but, erm, if we end up being the ONLY mixed roomies (that'd be my luck, and the first time in history as I know it, and ya know, I know it all) everyone will think I have much less against him than I have...! Or worse, HE will think I'm stalking him. I was only sitting next to him in class and signed my name on the school trip list after him... Naturally... Did someone interpret that as "WE'RE SHAGGERS"?
I'll ask the receptionist if there's any possibility of swapping people around, once we get there... In which case everyone will think I
a) hate the guy
b) stalk someone else
c) am trying to break up another pair
Yay... Paranoia...
Must act cool... By listening to Shakespeare and making out with the book...
Maybe we're not the only mixed roomies at all... In fact, if they mixed the guy and me, most likely they just broke the entire list into pairs... We're supposed to be cool bio-students who can speak of SSSEEEXXX over professional dinners -
Student 1: "...and then we killed the worms while they were having sex."
Student 2: "This rice is extreeeeeemely interesting! A hybrid, no? What had sex with what?"
- and not get all worked up over the gender of one's roomie BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER, GET IT?! *stares around angrily*
Only in the movies would I inevitably fall deeply in passion with the guy. I hope no one else on the trip has seen to many movies.
Urgh.
*hits sonnet button*
posted by Ratexla Kettleburn aka Yoze | 08:07
5 Comments:
You are hilarious, you realise that?? It's a good thing nobody could see me here lying on the floor, so close to tears (yes, yes, from laughter)
It makes the prospect of doing some school work even more depressing, but who cares, right?
Have fun on your school trip!! *wink wink nudge nudge* (sorry, couldn't resist)
And are you saying that biology students can't openly pronounce the S.E.X. word?? The world is doomed I tell ya!
:D
>>>And are you saying that biology students can't openly pronounce the S.E.X. word??>>>
No, we bloody well SHOULDN'T find S E X a big deal in that way, but look at meeee..... :p
*sigh*
Still no steamy report of the sleeping arrangements & aforementioned trip.
I bet something happened!!!
You should write a book! it would kick the sh*t out of all the crap on the market and a whole bunch of the other stuff too :) you would make buckets of money!
Aww, thank u and LOL *extends hand*
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