"Them Rangers at the funfair" - English script!

From a school play! Aye! View the 354973 times funnier Swedish live version here!
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THE DANCING CLOWN: *sings*
THE DANCING CLOWN: "Hello hello, and welcome to Funfair Fantastico! I hope you'll have a good day."
THE MUM: "Let's go this way."

THE CHILD: "Oh! Mum, mum, I want ice-cream! I want ice-cream!"
THE MUM: "Now calm down. We only just got here, there will be more opportunities soon."
THE CHILD: "I want ice-cream NOW!"
THE MUM: "Dude, CHILL THE FUCK OUT."
THE DAD: "I'll fix some ice-cream. Hi."
THE ICE-CREAM VENDOR: "What would you like today?"
THE DAD: "3 balls."
THE ICE-CREAM VENDOR: "What flavours?"
THE CHILD: "Vanilla, chocolate and rum raisin?"
THE ICE-CREAM VENDOR: "Sprinkles?"
THE CHILD: "Yeah, tutti frutti, yeah!"
THE ICE-CREAM VENDOR: "That's 20 SEK. Thank you."
THE MUM: [inaudible]
THE DAD: "The path of least resistance."

STRONG ADOLF: "Come and see if you're as strong as Strong Adolf! See if you can hit the sledge hammer all the way to the top! Come and see! Come and try!"
THE MUM: "Franz, remember when we were young...?"
THE DAD: "Well, I'll see if I still can..."
THE CHILD: "Yeah dad, show us how strong you are!"
STRONG ADOLF: "That's 30 SEK then, for 2 tries. Watch out for the gentleman now..."
THE DAD: *bonk*
STRONG ADOLF: "A little more!"
THE CHILD: "Yeah, one more time, dad!"
THE MUM: "Come on now, Franz, show them -"
THE DAD: "AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
THE MUM: "Oh, Franz! Ring ring ring! There's been an accident at Funfair Fantastico, hurry up, my husband is injured!"
THE DAD: "ARGH, I'm dying!"

THE AMBULANCE: *siren*
THE MUM: "Here comes the ambulance, take it easy."
THE DOC: "This looks serious, what happened here?"
THE DAD: "I'm dying!"
THE DOC: "That sounds serious. I think we'll have to anesthetise your ickle shoulder."
THE DOC: *stab*
THE DOC: "You hold, I'll tug."
THE SHOULDER JOINT: *POP*
THE DOC: "Let's bring him into -"
THE OTHER DOC: "Yes, we better take him to the hospital."
HYPNOTIC SOUND OF SIREN: *echoes through the street*

THE CHILD: "What happened, mum?"
THE MUM: "We'll take the car and hurry to the hospital and see how things are with Franz."
THE CHILD: "Yes, we will."
THE DANCING CLOWN: *sings*
THE DANCING CLOWN: "Have a good day, thanks for visiting!"