"Elin and Indiana Jones"

~Indiana Jones / Rescuers Down Under fanfic thingy
~Also starring: the cool alter egos of my buddy and me, our imaginary horses, &c.
~Written in 1993 + maybe later
~Translated tonight
~By: Ratexla
*** SUCK WARNING *** SUCK WARNING ***

One day when Elin and Millan were with Marahoo*, creaking sounds were heard from the forest. Mara and Blackie, who were their horses, got scared and whinnied.

- Did you hear something, Indy?
- Yes.
- We have to check what it is!
- What if it's a snake?!
- No. Come on now.

When Elin and Millan saw the two dark shadows they cried for Help!!!

- There they are! Indiana Jones roared.
- Marahoo, said Elin and patted Marahoo, now you gotta help us. Cover up the eggs.

Marahoo covered up the eggs.

- Now take one man in each claw and drop them in the creek.

Marahoo did as Elin had said. One of the men, James Bond, got water in his lungs and died. Marahoo ate him. Indiana Jones drifted towards the little waterfall. Elin and Millan didn't notice anything. They were re-sewing James Bond's clothes into sleeping bags and cases. Suddenly an ensanguined** and wet Indy stood before them.

- We're here shooting a film. You're not supposed to be here. In a short while I and the director will come and get the bird. Good bye.

Elin and Millan stared. They had to hide Marahoo and the eggs! Elin got to load the eggs into a box and tuck them in as warmly as she could and Millan packed food. And so they took off and flew southeast, towards Gotland. Down below they saw Indy and the director.

- You're standing half a metre from a snake pit, just so you know! Elin yelled.

Indy roared with horror, but it was just a woodlouse pit.

Elin, Millan and Marahoo were having a great time. It was May 17*** already and the sun was shining. After a few hours they saw a black stripe on the horizon. GOTLAND!!!

They settled down in a forest a few kilometres from Katthammarsvik. Elin recognised a farm. She and Millan had stayed there a few weeks each summer when they were little. Here they would remain until Indy could be assumed to have given up. They started building a hut right away. Then Marahoo wanted food. She found some dead rabbits. Elin lit a fire to keep away mosquitoes and the cold. Then they fell asleep under Marahoo's wings.

The next morning it was totally windless and +33.9 degrees Celsius. Marahoo signed that Elin and Millan had to go to the beach alone, because she had to guard the eggs. Elin and Millan protested, but eventually they went.

The water was freezing but nice and Elin and Millan dove among the giant waves that the warm winds**** brought with them. Suddenly they saw Marahoo writing in the sand and they ran there. "Indy has come here!"

They jumped onto Marahoo and flew to the eggs. They packed them and took off. Suddenly they heard the rattle of a helicopter. All 3 panicked and the girls held on tight, to the strap holding the egg box, as Marahoo dove*****. Indy's pilot (it was of course Indy) couldn't keep up. At last the helicopter disappeared across the Baltic Sea. The relief was great and Marahoo did a few extra flaps of glee.

But back by Marahoo's cave the Indy and the police were waiting. And Marahoo snuck up on them from behind, slowly - then she rushed up and bit their heads off. Happily smacking she ate them, while two equally happy girls put the eggs back into the nest. Now all problems were solved.

Or so they thought. The next day, a police officer came and wondered if they had seen his colleagues.

- No, Millan said. People hardly ever walk here, because there are no paths.
- Oh, said the police officer. Then I'll have to do it the hard way from the start. You're said to have a valuable bird here, according to Harrison Ford. And don't try to deny it.
- Yeah, maybe, said Elin calmly and fetched Marahoo.
- If you say ONE word about her, she might use these, said Millan and knocked on Marahoo's big sharp claws. Besides, no one can catch her. She can go anywhere she wants, so high that no one can see her. To Antarctica, north Africa, Canada, Russia or Australia. Or Iceland. Give up your search, please.

The officer sighed. Then he left.

Officer Hansen tore open the door of the police commissioner's office. The commissioner was sitting in there with coffee and a coconut pastry******.

- Excuse me, but... I've found the bird. It's huge! But it would be a shame to kill it. Can't we...
- HELL NO! DON'T YOU REALISE HOW DAMN MUCH MONEY THERE IS IN DOWN, MEAT, TALONS... EVERYTHING WILL BE FUCKING USED. NO SENTIMENTAL COSSETTING*******!!!
- Listen to me for a bit. There are three eggs in the nest. Get it!
- Eggs? Eggs, you say?! We have to raise the chicks and start a farm! Think of all the money!

The commissioner's mouth watered at the thought of the future and all the omelettes with tender slices of eagle meat. After filling his belly he could contently fall asleep on an eagle skin pillow stuffed with golden down.

- They've got horses there, officer Hansen said suddenly. Two ponies.
- To hell with them! screamed the commissioner cheerily. Let's go.

When they got there, Elin and Millan were saddling up Mara and Blackie. Luckily Marahoo had hidden herself and the eggs. Taken a private flight to the mountains, so to speak.

- Hrm, the commissioner started. Out with the bird!!
- Oh, that! Elin said. It's right there!

She pointed at a magpie that had just settled down in a juniper bush.

- Actually I meant the giant eagle! the commissioner snarled.

Elin turned away and unnoticably pulled a small onion from her pocket. She poked a hole in it with her fingernail and rubbed some juice under her eyes and sniffled. Then she said sadly:

- She's dead.. she flew away to look for food... but... then we heard a shot... and a scream... when we got there, she was already dead... and then a man came and picked up the eggs...
- Are we supposed to believe that? the commissioner wondered. But then he changed his mind. Both the little lassies were weeping so heart-wrenchingly...

- We should have understood that, he said. Then he left.

The next day, Marahoo came back.

MARAHOO WAS FREE!!!!

******************************

*Fucking awesome giant eagle and my main obsession from that Rescuers Down Under movie.
**Ey, cool word.
***Whoopsiedaisy!
****Not so windless all of a sudden!
*****Eagle not dove, dumbass.
******Disgusting.
*******I had never seen this word in me life.

22 Billion Triggah Happy Monkeys = image collection

+If you would like to use any photo outside your own computer or wall, please ask me first! Thank you! :) E-mail: yoze83@yahoo.com
+Most of the photos were taken by me. The rest are used with permission... pretty much ;B
+Some links do not yet exist, because: a) Yahoo Photos died on 20-Sep-07, b) I'm waiting for my Webshots account to grow, c) I hate Kodak Gallery. Luckily, no one will miss anything. :D

NON-HUMAN ANIMALS
+Various animals
+Invertebrates
+Various dogs
+Ellen the cairnterrier
+Various horses
+Arabian show in Munkedal (21-Jul-2002)
+Gothenburg Horse Show 2003
+Gothenburg Horse Show 2005
+Icelandic horses competing in Säve, Sweden (4-Sep-2005)
+Ponies jumping in Billdal, Sweden (12-Mar-2006)
+Sören, feline friend
+Zorro, cat cousin
+Birds
+Corpses
+Dissection of spiny dogfish

NATURE & PLACES
+Sweden
+Lake Louise & other spots in Banff NP, Canada
+Vancouver, Canada
+Norway
+Gotland, Sweden
+London, England
+Paris, France
+Glasgow, Edinburgh & Stirling, Scotland
+Tallinn, Estonia
+Stockholm, official capital of Sweden
+Plants
+Fungi, lichens & various aliens
+Micro

SHRINE
+Almost meaningless album unless you're a Nicholas Lea fan
+"Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban" London premiere
+"Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire" London premiere
+"Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix" premieres in London & Gothenburg
+Robbie Williams live in Stockholm 2003
+Robbie Williams live in Gothenburg 2006
+Celebrity collection

RANDOM
+Vegan cuisine
+My art
+Light of night
+Seen downtown
+Boats
+Yoze galore
+Yoze World

Scary challenge!

OK, apparently I have been CHALLENGED by Carin! I said I'd try to fix this last nite, sorry I didn't. :p

Soooooo, I'm supposed to list my 5 fave cities that I've been to... (Cool hometown doesn't count, eh? :B )

Gawdayum unjust ranking...

1. Hmmmmmmmm... London, UK? I could do without a lot of London itself because there is too much noise and traffic and soot, but I need it because I HAVE HAD SO MUCH FUN IN LONDON! XD Celeb-collecting and shit. And there are some nice peaceful spots. :) Last visit: 2007.

2. Lake Louise Village, Alberta, Canada? The closest... "city" to one of the prettiest places on the planet. :D My visit: 2003.

3. Fort Lauderdale, Florida, the US? Temp. Water. Water temp. Waves. Size of sand grains. Pelicans diving 4 feet away from me. Palm trees. Lizards. Parrots. Art. Thunder. Rain. Lightning. In the world of Year zero, Fort Lauderdale has been drowned. My visit: 1999.

4. Paris, France. It felt cleaner and more open than London. Montmartre was VERY pwetty and romantic. :D My visit: 2004.

5. Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada? It's got Nicholas Lea, mountains, beaches, parks, and nearby cougars. :) Last visit: 2003.

Gasp. I gotta post pics from each city? Will do... when Webshots grants me more room in a few months. :p

List of all the countries I've visited. I collect countries. Too.

-Belgium
-Canada
-Denmark
-Estonia
-Finland
-France
-Germany
-Luxembourg
-Netherlands
-Norway
-Spain
-Sweden
-Switzerland
-UK
-US

Some other places I'd like to visit:
-Algarve, Portugal
-Costa Rica
-Croatia
-Ireland
-Lacock, UK
-New Zealand
-Peru
-Rome, Italy
-Thailand
-Zakynthos (sp), Greece

And I hereby challenge... hmmm... Lo!

Into the very bowels of Death I plunged!

But that's not all I did, this summer.

SUMMER CHRONICLE OF 2007!

I:

+Visited a wee but kickarse and überpopular veg*ism fair in Stockholm and gained 60 kg
+Moved back in with dear old Webshots
+Celebrated me Nick's 45th b-day wildly!
+Hung around the HP5 gala premiere in London!
+Hung around the HP5 gala premiere in OMG GOTHENBURG!
+Saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
+Listened to ALAN reading The return of the native by Thomas Hardy. :D It lasted all summer!
+Read Dracula by Bram Stoker
+Read Sagan om Isfolket: Trollbunden by Margit Sandemo
+Read Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
+Read Bröderna Lejonhjärta by Astrid Lindgren
+Read Mio, min Mio by Astrid Lindgren
+Read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling
+Read Män som hatar kvinnor by Stieg Larsson
+Read HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS BY JK ROWLING!
+Read Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
+Started reading Collapse by Jared Diamond
+Waited outside Justin Timberlake's hotel even though I don't listen to him. I think I saw him, but he was too quick for a picture.
+Waited outside The Rolling Stones' hotel even though I don't listen to them. I think I saw... *opens encyclopedia* ...Charlie Watts, but he was too quick for a picture. Oh, and the rest of them snuck out the back door to punish us infidels who hadn't bothered to get concert tix. :B
+Found me an apparently raaaaaare CD which I got as an LP in 1990 or 1991 (my 2nd or 3rd record ever...) but which I haven't listened to since the mid-90's and which I had been looking for since 2004 - Scandalo by Gianna Nannini :)
+Did that death-plunging. Aye. Very flashy. See, a zoo thingy (relatively good one) that cooperates with my uni program were a few guides short and they e-mailed my entire class, begging for our divine services which we had practised there this spring. I suppose everyone else was away = at home, or working in other flashy relevant jobs they could keep forever. But my paper round had just died on me, so I had no excuse... to tell the guide-hunter, or myself. :p I dug up my old guide material, neglected my summer book and hopped on the bus. Originally I was going to take 3 - THREE! - groups round the park, but it was cut down to 2. Some kinda relief. My employer seemed to think I was devastated about this. :B Well, I survived the guiding for now, barely. At least I got ADULTS. To make my stay (which included 1 hostel night, mmm) more worthwhile, I was kindly given some extra random work behind the scenes. I got to pick sticks and other debris out of an empty enclosure. Ahhh. It all added up to 2 full work days... :) Soooooo, from now on, when I rot among the live honey-dipped baby mice in the emperor's kitchen, or wherever I get to work post uni, I will FOREVER be able to say that ONCE IN MY LIFE I HELD A JOB WHICH HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY EDUCATION! XD Now... let's just FINISH UNI... *GULP*
+Got rid of my evil bro at last. Well, it was actually his idea to move out, but he said it was partly thanks to me as I "talk too much about Harry Potter." Hmmmmmmmmmm? :D
+Discovered Nine Inch Nails. See tomorrow's separate dissertation on the development of my little obsession. :D
+Got yet another paper district, now to be tamed each Sunday for all eternity! Wee! Or until I move. (I NEVER MENTION MOVING OUT, DO I?!) Almost next to the last one, and bigger. Walking, of course. Not too hilly, so I may survive the winter.

Lowly anticipated DOUBLE Harry Potter 5 premiere report!

Photos.

It seemed that only Carin, kind-of-Stockholmer, total Thewlisian and London virgin, would join me this time.

JULY 1: Carin took the train down to me since she did not wish to fly alone to London. (Which meant that some plane fuel was saved!) After squeeing over the angelic Ellendog’s carrot tail she spent the last night on Earth in our guest room. (Having one sounds kinda snobbish! :O )

JULY 2: And in the morning we departed. Because of Carin’s aeroplane anxiety I expected her to be a somewhat hysterical flyer who would claw her surrounding passengers to a pulp before jumping out the window, causing the death of us all. She just had ear trouble. Awww. *morphine*

Unless someone somewhere fucked up, our flights were of course carbon neutral. :D

Door to door: ~6 hours. We rode with Terravision and, as usual, stayed at Piccadilly Backpackers, I know it’s OK and more importantly it is VERY close to the action!

Carin & Yoze: *burst thru hostel door rendering all onlookers breathless, blinded and weak-kneed*
Yoze: “The lift is usually kaputt, HAHA!”
Lift: *lifts ‘em... just not at break-neck speeeeeeeeeeed*
Yoze: “All right, we’ll probably get to stay on like the 6TH FLOOR or some such extreme altitude.”
Hostel guy: “Welcome, your room is number 709!”
Yoze: “Doh!”

Carin had refused to stay in a dormitory for fear of getting murdered in the night. My fearlessness of dormitories is probably completely irrational, so aight, our room was just for us. Luxurioussssssssss. We bounced back out into London for a taste of adventure:
~Leicester Square, where some CONSTRUCTION was going on for the premiere :O
~Sci-fi shop Forbidden Planet. Mmmm, Chucky dolls and Lupin’s wand...
~Oxford Street
~Green Park
~A ride in a real double-decker bus, OMFG! Although the first attempt involved Carin hopping onto one which LEFT while I was still on the street, digging for my card! We survived and where shortly reunited. :p
~Hamleys the 7 floor toy shop where I may have seen Sacha and where we now hugged all their cuddly toy animals, screamed to the universe that we needed them, and bought some sweet fuel.

JULY 3: I, warrior of Leicester Square, got up at “3.30am” which was in reality 2.30am as I had neglected to turn back my mobile phone clock, and crept out to Leicester Square just to see how many campers we would have to battle and stomp on. Not an overwhelming number – they were lined up along half the western park fence, perhaps. I returned to an awake Carin in our luxurious room and sucked the last luxury out of it by resting, with no hope of sleep, for another half hour. The rest of the night we spent next to the wall of the mighty Odeon... Very near the spot I had dreamed of since November 6, 2005. A few campers there as well, of course, but if only Justitia would kick our arses in the right direction, we figured we deserved a patch of TOP NOTCH FRONT ROW BARRIER. A barrier which was not to be erected (huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh) for another... day. :p

At dawn, we moved. Across the street. Still with top notch front row patches in our pockets. We moved to a lovely empty spot for 2 minutes, it was the press pit. (Think I did the same thing in 2005.) It was terribly annoying not to know how the barriers would be arranged, thus having no clue of one’s chances. We stood/sat in a line stretching along the eastern park fence most of the time, I believe... Playing games, reading The Half-Blood Prince :D, talking to a Mexican Pothead, writing in me diary, drawing, eating dried pineapple and getting our feet mashed by passing trucks. AND HOW THE HELL WERE THEY PLANNING TO ARRANGE THE BARRIERS?! In a sucky way for us, a cop said. But an extra piece of star-pen might be created and some stars ushered into it so they could meet even us!

A plastic tape was rolled out in front of our line, magical, for it would cause any tape-breaker to be chucked across the Thames. Or just into it. Tied to a sack of... uh, nails. “Stay calm, and you will all have your place by the barrier!” Alas, the cops were unable to control the crowd welling forth when the tape was removed, so Carin and I tragically landed in 3RD OR 4TH ROW behind the barrier perpendicular to the Odeon. We had probably not stomped on enough non-camping, queue-cheating pseudo-fans. LUCKILY, a wee stretch of barrier also ran along the Odeon wall... and there was room for us. I grabbed this chance of close encounters and proper photos, judging the spot to be of roughly the same quality as Lo’s and mine in 2005... Someone must take a detour there... right?! At first Carin wanted to stand looking into the park instead, so she could at least see everyone, but joined me eventually. Pineapple all around.

It seemed that only one park gate was open to the public. So, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, I bet the queue system worked well there. Today’s arrangement of barriers and stars inside the park was also used in 2005, so it is safe to assume that it is now... permanent, popular with the organisers? And that is why I AM camping FO’ REAL in 2008! Autumn! Yeah! And in 2010! SUMMER!

Weather was fine most of the day. But I had said it would rain. It did in 2004. It did in 2005. It did now. Thunder straight above arrived together with the stars. We were cosy under a wee roof, but the 500000000000000 people in front, not having acknowledged the existence of hats (for protection of cameras) and shirts (for keeping autograph books dry), KEPT THEIR UMBRELLAS UP, UP AND IN THE WAY. I so never did, in any year, at times that mattered.

Rain: *stops for a bit*
Umbrellas: “Damdidamdidam!”
Crowd: “UMBRELLAS DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!”
Umbrellas: “...”
Early guests: “Recognise US and win £8000!”
Umbrellas: “Sigh.” *crack*
Yoze: “Is that Rupert?!”
Lone raindrop: *splat*
Umbrellas: *WHOOSH*
Crowd: “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIH! REMUUUUUUUUUUUS!”
Carin: “OMGWTFDAVID?! WHERE IS HE? WAS THAT HIM? HE WALKED INTO THE CINEMA! IF IT WAS HIM!? I MISSED DAVID! MUUUUUURDER ME, YOZE! KILL ME!”
Yoze: *peppers umbrellas with machine gun* ”Nah, THERE’S Rupert, eh?”
Sun: :)
Stars: *fly by forever*
Carin: “I SAW RUPERT!”

After some time, a cast member found our little nook of the world – Chris Rankin! Saw him in 2004, now I got his siggy in my copy of Order, and a pic where he looks angry. :D Conversation ( = thank yous) and eye contact: Aye!

Phew. A siggy in me book. Trip definitely not wasted.

Later I spotted Alfie Enoch posing for the press, actually I did not know his name at the time… but soon heard the crowd scream it, and he too came to our corner and signed thingies! For my book he used some other fan’s pen, 2 seconds later he was 1 pen short and asked me “Can I borrow this?”, eye-contacting... via my camera display! Doh! I happily consented to the pen-loan. And got some photos. Carin has not quit squeeing over his dimples since. :B

Yay. Two siggies in me book. Up to 2005 level.

The wild mob then spotted Natalia Tena smoking outside the Odeon entrance. Carin screamed for “TONKS!” for a while and SHE came over!
Fan: ”Can I have your ciggy?”
Natalia: “No...”
Yoze: “Natalia! Natalia! TONKS! Er… hehehe! Natalia, please!” *click click click*
Natalia: “What’s your name?”
Yoze: “SORRY?”
Natalia aka 1st Ever Potter Star To Ask For Yoze’s Name And Thus Surprising Her To Deafness: “What’s your name?”
Yoze: “Josefine. :D”
I did not bother to discuss the unusual spelling and she spelled it -ph- of course. :)

Wee. 3 siggies in me book. Best result since 2004.

I think my Natalia photo was today’s fave because in it, she looks like some random smoking (well...) glamourous French celebrated film star of the 50’s so when I first saw the photo I screamed about making it black and white but that did not look any good when I tried it in Photoshop so I didn’t bother to wrestle with the contrast and oh, did I just use “smoking” and “glamourous” in the same sentence for publication in my uncensored blog which concerns a subject popular with 13-year-olds? Someone might start smoking because I wrote that. Well, children, I did read that rationality is generally developed in one’s late teens (if ever), so I suppose it would be unfair of me to burden you with the responsibility of working this out on your own: SMOKING IS BAD... for you, at leassssssst.

We saw other stars of course – some on the ramp/stage/stairs separating the street from the park, some posing for the press, some signing for the people in the GOOD SPOTS, some passing into the cinema. OMG lyke some examples:
~Dan
~Emma W
~Maggie Smith (I’d never seen her before AFAIK!)
~Brendan Gleeson
~Jamie Waylett
~Evanna Lynch, according to Carin at least :B
~David Tennant
~Bonnie Wright
~Robbie Coltrane (who arrived late but still signed for the people near us!)
~Helena Bonham Carter (Carin yelled for her and she kind of looked at us from afar, tilting her head and looking a bit saaaaaaaad...?! Hehe!)
~JO! My first view of Jo! I went “JOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOO!” Carin: “She must have heard THAT...”

We missed you:
~Alan! :O
~Jason! :O
~Emma T? :O
~Ralph? :O
~Gary-O :O

1 devastated Thewlisian, 1 satisfied celeb collector and 20998 other people sauntered off Leicester Square. After 13 h I still wasn’t in dire need of a ladies’ room (I just hadn’t quenched my thirst since the previous thirst-ay), but saw the point of taking my chance before we had to walk to the airport or summat. I also had some chips. And we examined the Odeon’s arse. It didn’t look, uh, glamourous, and we asked a nearby lady if she knew whether the stars would exit there or from the front. The front, she thought, and told us where to stand, then discussed Equus with me for a bit. *hogwartsgirly blush*

I had never waited for exiting stars before, but now we did, for a last Thewlis chance. The southern part of the square was pretty good. The desperate Thewlisian was in the front row conversing with Potheads, the satisfied hunter wallowing in siggies and photos took the 2nd row and chewed on asocially through The Half-Blood Prince. (Er... That didn’t sound right…!)

Some stars I remember seeing this time, through all my tunnel vision:
~Maggie Smith
~Shefali Chowdhury
~James Phelps
~Oliver Phelps
~Richard Griffiths
~Emma W
~Dan
~Tom Felton
~Warwick Davis
~Rupert
~Matthew Lewis
~Natalia Tena, who happily stuck her tongue out and waved at Carin or WHOMEVAH!
~JOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOO!
~DAVID THEWLIS AT LAST?! Carin said so. I called out his name. :D He stepped into a car and Carin was no longer such a devastated Thewlisian. :D

I took her for a quick look at Trafalgar Square in the dusk, and then we tamed the delayed tube. Well, some line was delayed... due to a... “passenger action”! Wonder what THAT means... We made it un-mutilated to Liverpool Street where we had just missed the second last bus, so we had some smoothie & fruit salad. :9 2 h later, Camp Stansted was set up. Carin slept in our faithful leopard blanket. It was now a dirty dirty thing as we had sat and stood on it all day. :D I slept quite well using my old winter coat and an inflatable pillow. Good to know... Like 3 h, good for an airport nap. :9

JULY 8: Carin was long gone to Stockholm, which has been granted every other gala premiere in history. But this time... THE TURN HAD COME TO LITTLE GOTHENBURG! I had known for a few weeks that... KATIE LEUNG AND MATTHEW LEWIS WOULD ATTEND! I saw them up close at London premieres, but was still without their siggies and it would be cool to see them again and maybe ask them to pose, so of course I was going to hang around. :B

What was not good about happening to leave my Ravenclaw scarf at home:
1. It was cold as hell.
2. Katie’s character is in friggin Ravenclaw.
But I am still among the living, for I remembered the camera. It all went down like this: I arrived around 12.30pm, what luxury, and stood around waiting for perhaps 4 h. Notes were taped to the doors: The cinema would close to the vulgar mortals at half past 3. Later I heard that the stars would arrive at 7...

The barrier, about as long as the width of 40 fans, was only ever half full. Wow. I guess this premiere REALLY wasn’t marketed. Sweet. I had read a wee note in the paper about it… and alerted people on 2-3 online forums. Oh, I do hope this was the mere first syrup-dipped Fragaria vesca in a long string of Gothenburg gala premieres... Is it cuz we got a new cinema?

I was the last fan along the barrier before the stars entered the cinema. Camera ready. Order almost as ready. Nice photos was my priority, but I would keep the book open in case someone had time to sign...

Every Swedish celeb who ever lived filed into the cinema. Except dead ones. A bad day to be prosopagnostic. Etc. I stopped believing the procession would end. Ever. Then the Potter kids were a bit late and I thought that the guards might just rush them past us to save time. :/ ‘Tis lucky that whatever I try to predict about people is incorrect. They arrived and began to work on the handful of fans! :D Katie went first and when she reached me I asked if I could take a picture, “Sure”, at the first attempt her hand was in her face, stroking back hair. Hehe, I had actually IMAGINED that. Second photo turned out nice! Then she signed my book, during which time I asked if she was cold. “A bit”, I believe she replied... *wraps*

Close behind Katie was Matthew. Some guard next to him grabbed what seemed to be every fan’s camera and took photos of Matt posing with the owners. :) The guy made for my camera as well, awww, but I declined since I wanted to photograph Matt myself. :B When he was finished with the previous fan, I waved the camera around a little and he posed for a lovely shot... :) Then he kindly gave me my 14th Potter cast siggy! :D

Pre-meeting: “Uhhhhhhhh, were these 7 wasted hours?” *teethclatter*
Post-meeting: “Weeeeeeeeeee! 7 hours well spent... Wouldn’t have wanted to risk missing THAT…”


*** *** *** ***
It really IS JULY 13, 2007! AT 6.20 TONIGHT… I WILL GET TO SEE HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX! OMFG!

Don’t stay up and wait for my review. :D

The Jason conversation

I did promise a blog post to someone out there. :) Anyway, these divine events require recording. (It's been a while, I've been busy. Kinda.) OK, I've got my diary, but here's the international version. Dan happenings in purple, Jason stuff in blue. Up, up and away.

Diary 30 - July 31, 2006:
"...Then Metro said that next year Dan [-iel Radcliffe] is gonna be in some erotic London play about a... stable boy. And be naked on stage. ROTF!! Alan did that too. I so have to see that one. Which I would have done even if he didn't strip, pervs. Btw, how easy it'll be to get tix for this."

When, after many months, I even found me a source of tix for Equus, I thought long and hard about when to go. The play would run till June 9! Should I go then, and hang around in the UK until the HP 5 premiere, maybe even look for some roomies and a job, or at least go then so I could enjoy having survived the much feared spring course, but what if Dan didn't stay with the play that long and hey, while I'm on this ticket site I should check if there are any other interesting plays actors I could see, I mean, what if Dan is ill on the wrong day, *type type search* OMG Jason Isaacs will be in The dumb waiter till March 24, damn scary spring course will ruin my peace of mind I'm sure but HERE IS A FITTING TIME WINDOW IN MY SCHEDULE BETWEEN MARCH 22 AND MARCH 27! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I booked plays, flights, hostel and gave Native Energy a lil something. My mum suddenly decided to go with me to the great city and made it look like I forced her. :p All the same, since I had picked a late nite flite it would be useful to have a bodyguard for the 15 minutes between Victoria Coach Station and the hostel. And it's nice to have someone help you look for tube signs and stuff.

It was I who read 97% of the signs on the trip. BRAIN EXERCISE!

But here is the story now, not completely chronologically jumbled.

MARCH 22. I figured out how to solve (easy) sudoku puzzles which cut into my valuable packing time. BRAIN EXERCISE! However, we took off (40 minutes late) and the plane did not lose a single wing. Our luggage had ended up in the same airport, and we found the buses even though the last sign pointing to them was oddly positioned.

See, I had been tipped off about Terravision in London 2005, so now I would try them instead of the twice as expensive train. We just missed one bus (they left every 15 minutes) and the driver of the next one was 45 minutes late. He then drove directly to Victoria, not via Liverpool Street as planned. Lucky we were getting off there. Some others were not. One bloke went hysterical and screamed that he didn't wanna go on a sightseeing trip, so he called the coppers. Other travellers, who weren't even hysterical, received no reply from the driver when they said he was going the wrong way. Uh...

By now, it was so late, cold and scary that my mum and I "had to" take a taxi to the hostel. (Her idea.) After our wild adventures we got into bed around 2 am. :)

MARCH 23. 10 years since I first saw my dah'ling Nicholas Lea! (Eh... On TV.) We checked the location of the Equus venue, Gielgud Theatre, which was... 2 blocks away. Gawd, do they wish to wear out my soles? I miss those good old days when my play of choice ran NEXT DOOR, SNIFFLE. *stagger stagger* EXERCISE! Actually, we had already spotted the MASSIVE POSTER the night before. So making sure I knew the way to Trafalgar Studios (JASONTHEATRE!) was of greater importance. We found it exactly where it had been on the map! Weeeee! Just south of Trafalgar Square, also on a walking distance from the hostel. The theatre opened 10 minutes later, I collected my precious ticket, stole a couple of playbills (the Equus ticket had been mailed to me for some reason), and located the stage door...

We visited Harrod's, where my mum had not been since 1999. :) Not to shop, just to gasp at the products and prices. I did see those mugs that celebs had painted for charity though... And there was one by Ewan... :B I've got 5000000 mugs... Moreover, I had fond memories of Harrod's 50's style fridges, and their pet equipment. :O This year I found some neat art, too. I only brought home names.

It was my Equus night! I picked up a coupla playbills in the foyer, since I was going siggy-hunting afterwards and had read that Dan would not sign Harry Potter material, for fear of E-bayers or something. After I went up to the 2nd floor I would not be allowed back down, but from there I could see programmes being sold downstairs. Hmm, WHAT if Dan would only sign programmes? After all there is a greater chance that someone flashing a programme is a real fan, and... :p Luckily, a bloke appeared next to me with a bunch of programmes in his arms. Cool.
My seat was not the worst ever, better than at Guys and dolls. And more expensive. :B Grand Circle, row 2, seat 20. This is where I artsily pretend that I cared LOADS about whether I liked the play. :B It was neat. Comments:

~Dan wasn't ill!
~Richard Griffiths wasn't ill! I had never seen him before.
~I always suspected that a shrink might slay MY passions. One of my excuses for never going to one and be given fun pills. Imagine if one cured me, or made me believe I was normal, or made me automatically behave normally, I dunno, by shooting me with staplers every time my small talk ceased for 2 s... My possible gift might get flushed down the same undivable toilet. Just a feeling. Lately I've had more reason to believe this. :q
~Horses are so worshippable. :)~I think the movements that the wire-headed horse actors made when spooked were cool. :B
~JUUUUUUUUUST wondering in an über-literal way... How does one rilly stick a hoofpick into both of a horse's eyes? Would it stand still for 0,5 ns after the first stab? "Easy Nugget, I'm just gonna poke yer eye out. There, not so bad, was it? Shhh, still, while I move my hand along the width of your forehead. Ahhh! NOW it hurts, so you may go bananas and kick open the door! GOOD BOY! Weee!"
~0 fangirls screamed at the sight of Naked!Dan.
~Not even my brain exploded from Naked Bloke OD. (I don't get to the meat market a lot, ya know.)
~2 days after the play, I realised that an actor from Van Helsing was in it! Will Kemp, the wolfie? I THOUGHT his... hair... looked familiar.
Afterwards, to avoid looking 100% stalkish or anything, I WALKED to the stage door, which was perhaps why I got to stand in 3rd row. :/ Dan exited the door though! :D Now I've got a Bearded!Dan-snapshot too!

MARCH 24. I had a cold hair wash (we were on the 6th floor, and hadn't been so smart as to sneak into the 3rd floor... the previous night, although there was a notice about hot water shortages 8-10 am... MY EARS!) before we went and behaved just like shoppers except I was about to shop nothing inedible and knew it. It was all right fun staring at all the fabric and glitter, however, and in any case I had to pass by Hamleys and shadowly re-live my POSSIBLE Sacha sighting (November 5, 2005... Remember, Lo?:) But if that WAS Sacha, why was he dressed as Ali G, considering Ali G was superfamous by then (no?) and thus in his grave (no?). Think of all the Ali G impersonators who must lurk out there... Like dem Elvis ones... Well, this enormous mystery will torment me till I die. Or till I see Sacha (?) again (?). :B AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?! *stares at pic yoze was clever nuff to snap even tho she was not obsessed at the time* That height... Eh? I remember his legs. :)

Actually, I was mostly killing time. Staying in one's hostel room to study is a sin, and outside it was too cold to chill (HAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!) in any park. Oh, and while I was doing the time, I tried to look at... gasp... HUMAN FACES... in case I'd meet some celeb. Hehe. Alas, everyone in town were Spanish or Swedish tourists. Aye.

I was waiting for the matiné of The dumb waiter to end, so I could position myself outside the stage door! I lurked a little way away for a bit and saw about 4 people outside to start with, so I sauntered up to them. The crowd filled up... like, after the play really ended... While hugging my little ole Chamber of Secrets, I was given a note about a huge DEATHLY HALLOWS UK RELEASE PARTY which I prolly will be unable to attend. XC

Some random people went through the stage door, but at last, there was JASON! :O Sporting a beard, a nice voice I barely recognised (after having listened to too much of chalkboard-Lucius, I presume :B) and Teh Eyes! The crowd was cool and no one fainted, or shot into the sky. So I could wait relatively calmly. A coupla Gryffindor ladies had come all the way from Vegas to see him and told him so. Jason: "You DIDN'T! :D" He was then told about the huge release party but said he wouldn't be able to go since he would be in Rhode Island. Oh aye, it's still that TV show, innit? D'oh! Lucky I didn't count on seeing him at the Order premiere then... :p

After some time and some signings, the next fan in the clump-shaped line was I! +) The book was ready. So ready. Jason signed it "Jason Isaacs x", so I suppose we have kissed on paper now. :x Anyway, I told him "I'm not seeing the play until tonight, I'm afraid..." to which he replied (paraphrased, 'xcept for the word in green) "That's all right, it'll probably be sloppy tonight though, since it's the last one!" "Hehe, no problem!" :p And he turned to the next fan. He was in a bit of a hurry to leave and get pressies for his kid (when he did leave, he left at a run!), but left no fan disappointed as far as me old eyes could see. :q And I got time for photos, too, though I did not ask for any posing. He still stared straight at my cam once, while posing with some others. :B

With my life nearer heavenly completeness, I euphoria-hovered back to the hostel just to eat and such. Soon it was high time to return to Trafalgar Studios. Due to all the detailed adventures I was of course lagging behind diary-wise, and wrote for a coupla hours at the theatre before The dumb waiter. I expected it to be extremely weird, seeing how it was written by a Nobel prize winner and all. Funnier than expected, however. I thought Jason was the superior actor (and not sloppy). So was my seat... relative to most of the other seats. 5th row! Also got a good many minutes of extra Jason Presence as the characters were already on stage, quiet and still, when the audience welled in. Lee Evans was under a blanket but Jason was reading a paper!

I, everyone else, and a taxi were soon outside the stage door. Lee Evans came out and wrote siggies and such, I didn't ask for one but got pics. Suddenly, while he was posing with a fan, there was someone doing the V-sign over his head. JASON RETURNS! I hung around while the crowd swooped down upon him. But... once, when someone asked to have their pic taken with him... the camera was placed in my hands! :D By Jason? Why did JASON and not the fan hand some fan's cam to me? Dream? :9 No. At least Jason posed for me, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I nearly missed my chance, but when Jason seemed finished with everybody there and moved towards the taxi I piped up "Jason!" and extended my hand which he shook and I said "Lovely performance, thank you for everything! :B" I was meaning the movies, the siggies, the play, the chatting, the posing, the handshake and all that. He... answered something. :) Then he thanked the whole bunch, and boarded the taxi.

After waving at the holy vehicle I would have glided away, Dementor style, but I ran/powerwalked back to the Gielgud. Just in time for another place in 3rd Row Of The Dan Fan Crowd. Hoping some Jason fans would have been less than accurate concerning Dan's siggy-signing rules ("First row only"), I stuck out my programme again when Dan passed by. No luck. Forgive me, everyone whom I probably decapitated with the pages of the programme while fiddling with me camera.

5 minutes later I bumped into my mum. Not so fat a chance. We went coolly into a cool pub where I downed an Orange Potion and flashed the Jason siggy to her.

MARCH 25. Sunday, so no stage dooring to be done, I suppose. We checked out a few markets, got lost in some empty business district, relaxed by the river, and spent HOURS searching for the bus stop whence we would return to Stansted. BRAIN... EXERCISE! Not that we were going home, we just wanted to... rehearse... for I had grand plans, which involved cutting it fine the next evening, bus-wise. Anyway. The tube is a bit disorienting... :S Eventually, we ran into the stops. There were two, 500 light years apart. A nice bus bloke showed us the fine print on the time table, so now we even knew at what times the differrent stops would be useful. :p Fecking adventurous.

In celebration, I had chips [CHEPPSSS!!!] in a cool pub.

MARCH 26. The breakfast bread had not reached the hostel.
Mum: "OMGWTF our white flour!"
Yoze: "Yo, it's not their fault if the bread truck fell over or whatever."
Trudge trudge.
Roomie: "Hey."
Mum: "Did ya know, roomie, they've got no breakfast today!"
Roomie: "Rilly!"
Mum: "Yeah, the truck had fallen over or something."
Roomie: "Oh dear! [How can we send £6000 to the truck driver's 18 orphaned young children? SNIFFLE!]"
Yoze: "Er, I didn't say it had..."
Mum: "Oh aye? I thought I heard someone say it. :/"

We got some food from a neighbouring place, checked out, raided Fresh & Wild and zoomed off to the PARKS, where we just sat. :9 First, Hyde Park. Sweet, a robin posed for me. Then St James Park. Sweet, we could see the water. When certain people got impatient we migrated slowly to Trafalgar Square and checked out the National Gallery. *shrug* Da Vinci stuff, though! And I found me some postcards.

Once again, I was really only waiting for a play to end. Grasping my this month's last chance for a Dan siggy, and in doing so risking everything missing the bus and thus the morning plane home. :) If Dan came out to sign at the normal time (probable), we should make it to the second last bus... Now that I was risking so much for my Dan siggy, I was not about to fuck things up. I stood for 3 h on the street around the stage door. EXERCISE! Think at least 3 people wondered if I was a hooker. Welllllllll... So, anyway, after a couple of hours I was joined by an extremely ambitious Danish siggy hunter. I think the first row patches were all taken about 30 min before the end of Equus. :) The last one was claimed by... my mum, who had nuthin better to do. And our suitcase. The Dane wanted an extra siggy for his friend, so we agreed my mum would try to get one. She was given a playbill.
The skinny little barricades came up, and then came Dan! He started signing opposite our spot.
Mum: "Ohhhhh, there he is..."
My programme had never been so ready. :) DAN SIGNED IT! I didn't get to look into his eyes and he probably did not hear my thanks, if they were successfully uttered. :p My mum was next in line, but he missed her for some reason. Mayhap playbill-slingers are taken for siggy hunters?Second last bus.

27 MARCH. Camp Stansted.

~*~

Some good shit I ate in the strange exotic land:
+Portobello Road market's onion and olive pizza slice, packed in a brown bag which some hours later looked like transparent plastic :)
+Vegan Calzone from Fresh & Wild, flabbergasting eco-food shop on our very block (COUGH 69-75 Brewer Street COUGH)
[/pizza collection]
+Apple & cinnamon cross buns
+Cherry & coconut flapjack
+Subway sub Veggie Delite *avalanche*
+Falafel
+Chips in Cosy Brown British Pub
+White flour with saccharose Hostel breakfasts of toast, jam and juice
+Chips from Large Fast Food Chain... for breakfast, when the hostel breakfast had not been delivered
+Fresh & Wild's fruit salad + soy yoghurt + müsli
+Canned pasta hoops
+Smoothies
+Juicez

Items shopped:
+Madagascar soundtrack
+King Arthur soundtrack
+Once upon a time by Simple Minds
+Persuasion by Jane Austen (used)
+Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen (used *sniffs books*)
+6 cards from the National Gallery
+Equus programme

Incredibly Great Summer 2006 Accomplishments

I did one o' these chronicles for the summer of 2004 too... So I'm gonna steal the idea from myself once more. WTF did I get "done"? (Oh, and does "chronicle" imply "chronological order"? HAHAHAHA! XD )

~Bought a new Canon cam, 6 Mpixels instead of 2!
~Shot horses at jumping competitions... AYE, CAM!
~Bought light little trainers
~Shot insects
~Edited 47524520485206820968204682056 photos
~Shot horses at mounted games competitions
~Made poor online insect album
~Online:d some of my old diaries
~Read An awfully big adventure by Beryl Bainbridge
~Read Horse heaven by Jane Smiley
~Read Moby Dick by Herman Melville
~Read Go ask Alice by anonymous author (Best book on this list)
~Read The tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë
~Read Ryttare: Tommy Nilsson by Martin Lund
~Read Lady Chatterley's lover by D.H. Lawrence
~Read Naiv. Super. by Erlend Loe
~Read Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
~Read About a boy by Nick Hornby
~Read To build a fire by Jack London
~Read Holy smoke by Anna & Jane Campion (Worst book on this list)
~Read The picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
~Found effective, aluminium-free, vegan, non-animal tested deodorant *COUGH* Aroma Creme from Lush *COUGH*
~Visited Bohuslän
~Visited Tallinn, Estonia
~Visited Norway
~Celebrated Nick Lea's b-day...
~...by starting on Diary 30, the pwettiest ever, designed by Lo! (:B
~Saw The da Vinci code
~Saw Tristan & Isolde
~Sang with Robbie, and some other people
~Saw Ronan Keating live at the opening ceremony of the Euro-champs stuff :p
~Was an extra in the movie Mustafa/Massimo for one day = several scenes :D which earned me 100 SEK and possibly a place in art history (:B
~Raced around with thousands of morning papers
~Ate more fibre
~Visited Glasgow, Edinburgh & Stirling, Scotland. :B Monkeys just got updated... :p

I stayed at the Euro Hostel in Glasgow which was neat, once I had figured out that the showers actually COULD produce water above the temperature of a genuine autumn Highland loch! :9

On the first day I went for a getting-lost walk and got lost in the ghetto. I only saw 2 streets in that city worth visiting (for over-shopping, of course)... and the lovely Necropolis... and maybe the cathedral. All this could be done in one day, so I no longer see the point of Glasgow. Except it's where the planes land, and one might want to revisit Necropolis (massive romantic graveyard on hill!) in a more romantic ghostly light than friendly morning sun. :q

Perhaps the point of Glasgow would be clearer to me if I had ever bothered to sniff out the famous West End, which was off my map :O but I didn't.

I had already decided to take some bus to Edinburgh and worship Greyfriars Bobby and stalk Alan, who probably left town very soon after the Snowcake premiere. Even though My name is Rachel Corrie now ran, which was why I could hope... But I didn't see him anywhere... near the theatre... :B or anywhere else! But I did find Bobby's statue, *sniff* his grave, *BAWL* a miniature statue to take home, *finger* and Bobby's Bar, *slurp* where I imbibed a goblet of Spriteandlemonwithice. Since ~1998 I have dreamed of brooding in a wee brown Scottish pub. Of living in a whisky ad. :B

I happened to know Simple Minds would play in Edinburgh that day, but for various reasons I didn't go... Maybe I should have... I had even brought ear plugs "just in case I stumble over a Texas concert or summat"! I saw the stage in a park... from the bus back to Glasgow. D'oh! I missed a free concert they gave in Gothenburg only weeks ago. Mrrrr. Not that I've heard much of their music... But I will, hehe.

The buses from Edinburgh to Glasgow departed every 10 minutes, it seemed, which is bizarrely more often than the buses go from my home to the damn mall. Or anything. :p

On post-Edinburgh day and my last day of Scotland (I spent the last night at the airport, hehe) I had indeed planned to sniff out the West End or at least relax in the Botanic Gardens or summat, but I felt the smooth bus net calling once more. I checked the map for a hilly, close-by, neat place to go, and Stirling seemed to fit. I went there, crossed half the town (or, more probably, loads LESS), map-free, and suddenly the town ended and I had a free view of... the gate to the Highlands, as I later read in the guide book. I shot the Highlands with as many adorable sun-spots as possible, and went a little closer to the Wallace monument.

GUESS WHAT, under normal circumstances I would be soooo anxious to watch Braveheart right now... Well, I am... but I know how DISTURBED I would be every time ye-know-who came on screen... now. *POW* Anyone able to fit my DVD player with a de-Mel-iser? Wonder if he's going to apologise and mean it? +O~~~

*runs finger down back of yummy trainspotting dvd case... and harry pottah will also come in handy*

Paper-girlin

Now, my children, I shall tell you all about one's life as a morning paper-girl driving someone else's car in a famously big district.

They called me up on July 3, just as I had started to find inner peace about not having a summer job in 2006 either even though I tried this year, lazy-looking bahstahd, and offered me a large district close to my home, though I had never seen any of the streets in my life. July 24 - August 26. It would, sadly, require a car, to which I had claimed to have access. Aye. I asked my dad again before accepting, he said I might use it, and the thing was settled. :D

A couple of days later dad realised that it was a car district, not just a place so far away that I would need the car to get there. :p Haha, too late for him to take back his promise. Forgive us, car.

I went to an info meeting, rode with the regular paper-girl for two days and drove around the streets myself as many times. She shares the district with another person, I don't! :p

Regular paper-girl: "...so I'm just waiting to find a hole in my exhaust pipe from all these curbs. You drive that big Volvo, no? Not as easy to turn as this little car, I suppose... and Volvos have such low chassis too."
Yoze: "Ehehehe... oh yeah? It's not my car, either."
Regular paper-girl: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

:S

On my first day the papers were dumped late, and I was missing 3 bunches. Ouch. Had to pick them up later. I was at it from 3.30 to... somewhere near 8 that day. All the papers are supposed to be delivered at 6. This rarely happens even on the best of days, since I'm COUGH alone COUGH. :p

On the 3rd day or so on my own, I was at least starting to learn behind which bush every friggin letterbox was hidden, so I didn't have to get out/reverse as much as on the first day. However, there is still a LOT of UNNECESSARY getting out of the car to do. Evil subscribers place their letterboxes 4000 km from the street (when in most cases they could put them within reach of the car window). This is not easy on my:

~Planet (killing the engine is rarely worthwhile)
~Transmission
~Car door
~Customers' neighbours' sleep (for reason, see above point - but I suppose the Evil Subscribers really desire to be awakened by flapping car doors)
~Left elbow (which gets torn outta joint every time I close the door, now, so I've started closing this left door with my right hand, yup)
~Customers down-district (whose paper gets delayed, which probably gets blamed on GUESS WHOM!)

The evilness of Evil Subscribers (OK, some of whom are probably just thoughtless, but then, how come so many of them got through med school, judging from their med mag subscriptions? Hey, maybe they want to treat our elbows) is brilliantly illustrated by a story that Regular Paper-Girl told me on my first training day. The people on [CENSORED] [CENSORED] Street have placed a row of skull-sized white rocks sufficiently far outside their letterbox to prevent our cars getting near it. Those rocks must be REALLY GREAT IN THE SNOW! *SCREEEEEEEEEECH* *BOINK* The subscriber had the rock problem/s pointed out to him by our employer. Would he move a few rocks so the paper people wouldn't have to get out of the car? His reply was:

"Some lazy paper-girls you've got!"

8O~

OK, they've glued my exploded head back together now. One day I will calculate how many % of the letterboxes can't (easily) be reached from the car...

Anyway, I'm so never going to accept another car district... :p At least not more than once a week or summat. But next summer I'm sooooooo gonna ask if they need someone for a walking-district. That would be sweeeeeeeeeeeet! *sniffs sweet summer night air & roedeer*

A few more scary bits of the job are:

~The number of wheels I have damaged severely. (2)
~The potential amount of CATS I MIGHT SERIOUSLY... MASH! :O They've seemed afraid enough of the car so far. *rhyme* PHEW... KNOCK ON WOOD, TWO MORE DAYS... I can't drive slowly either! This morning, for example, I was in Cat Mash Mode and it took me pretty much exactly 3 hours, now that all the subscribers are back from their holidays, which meant I couldn't hand out all the papers before the magical 6am. Death.

To make things better, or not, my salary arrived today! :B It was much better than I thought, too... Mmm, hey, rainforests & London...

~*~

Tomorrow, I depart. Not for London. But for GLASGOW! Alone in a completetly strange place. I TOLD YA! The sun trips turned out to be more expensive than I thought, but I had to go somewhere... besides Norway... especially now that I had told everyone I was going away alone, little cheeky bahstahd.

Chickenshit in the arena

My folks have eloped to the happy Paris for a few days. Paid for by somebody's workplace. Of course I never planned to go along, IN CASE I GOT A JOB... ha... ha... ha... and now it would have cost 3000 SEK to drag me there. I'm saving myself for a last-minute trip somewhere. I have no idea where to go, which is fine, since I can make a last-minute decision any day... Hence my feeling that I'll never get around to go anywhere. :p And I've never travelled alone to a place I've never been, rilly. If chickenshit goes alone, she'll get lost, get on the wrong plane, wrong bus, wrong hotel, get left behind, robbed, raped, infected, parasitically oppressed, mutilated, enslaved, murdered and dumped. Aye. But then, some of those things could happen anywhere.

Where the feck should I go, though? FREEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! Uh... Greece, Croatia, maybe Spain are fluttering around in me head. If it goes well, it could be so cool. (:B

~*~

To get out, about, heavily exercised, maddeningly stimulated, filthy rich, deliciously crisp-burned, insanely famous & orangely tanned, I have started shooting small-time showjumping. I mostly did international, indoor, distant stuff before, and have hardly ever been to one of these little outdoor local competitions. I surely haven't been in one! :p It's... it's... just like in them horse novels of my youth. Potentially. *anxiety attack* COMMON EVENTS IN THEM HORSE NOVELS OF MY YOUTH: X gets too tall/old to keep riding/competing her beloved pony. X's overly ambitious parents sell her beloved pony, possibly to the meat market. Or: X finishes second out of only 3975 competitors. Overly ambitious parents spank her good.

Some sure get spanked a lot at those competitions. Is it just me, or do loads of riders whip their horses when the latter refuse fences for getting spooked or coming at it in a suboptimal way? (Of course, I suck at seeing the difference between that and the horsie trying to make the rider their bitch, or something.) Yeah, maybe that'll get the horse thinking "I SUDDENLY HAVE A GREAT FEELING ABOUT THIS PREVIOUSLY SCARY SHIT AND I CANNOT WAIT TO APPROACH IT AGAIN!" But what do I know...! :C *mutter*

What about dressage? Whipz are outlawed there, aren't they? How do THEY survive without? Hey, jumping and racing might get more interesting without. Cleansed, ya know. :B Well, the pony racers aren't allowed whips! (Another bizarre difference between pony and TB racing is that everyone in contact with the racing ponies must wear helmets. I mean... as in nobody ever got their brains mashed by a TB? Um...)

Hehe, I could take up shooting dressage and pony racing only... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And mounted games of course...

Approximate scale of fun, photo-wise:
Jumping > Mounted games > Arabian racing > Pony racing > Thoroughbred racing > Dressage

But... but... staring at small-time dressage...? :/ *evil* Well, we'll see... Maybe I'd lose a load of Real Guy Photographers that way! Maybe they only like da jumping action! :B *prejudiced* *sadly action-lovin*

At the latest competition I had to share my planet with an Evil Other Photographer who was also a Real Photographer! He had huge equipment, access to the paddock, a humble servant, a tent containing a laptop + printer, and a deal with the judge, who screamed every now and then "BUY HIS PHOTOS IN THAT TENT OVER THERE!"

Wonder if they'll want more photos... when mine are all edited, 4000 years from now. Must build wee reputation.

The cool thing was, the Evil Other Photographer charged 80 SEK for a 13 x 18 cm photo, 100 SEK for an A5 and 150 SEK for an A4! :B That miiiiiiiiiight only work when the buyer has some sentimental connection to the pic... and his pics were so pwetty... but still! :)

~*~

My auction-won Goblet of Fire DVD arrived yesterday. It was new, fresh, crisp, supposedly Swedish, and actually Danish. The auction text said: "100% Swedish edition!" The photo showed a Danish edition. I assumed the seller had got his hands on editions from all over and only bothered to photograph one.

HELLO! MY EDITION OF GOBLET IS DANISH! HI, A DANISH-DUBBED ALAN RICKMAN IS SITTING ON MY SHELF! YAY! No. :S I was almost gonna ask for my money back... The guy was bloody lucky I didn't need subtitles, at least... but I watched a few deleted scenes (Ahhh, wizard rock! AHHHHHHHHHHHH, CHRISTMASSY SNAPE!) and my mood improved. Dammit. This was around 4am. :) Then I watched the movie, until a double dose of the first scene with the Voice knocked me out hot. :9

OMFG, it's June

It surprises me every time...

I just wrote the last exam before summer, it was all inzects (must stop evil murderous Adsense on this topic by spelling mistake), some of which we'd been running around looking at during the last coupla weeks. We spent a week on da eastside, whose inzect fauna is more... famous. The teacher almost died over the fancy inzects we (...) found there. I had got my shit together and brought an ole family macro lens. And my dad's 4 Mpixel camera. :D Some of the fab photos were used in the teacher's presentation one evening and many of our blown-up inzects had the class gasping and fainting and clutching their feeble hearts. :9 I had never used the macro lens before but now I shall reveal all! In a blurry way! :p

Other thrilling events on da eastside:

I learned 1 great new expression. "In copula." *overuses severely*

I was smooched by 2 ticks, but got them out with my bare fingers before they grew to melon-size. Why, that makes my total life tick score 4. Maybe eastside ticks LIKE me, unlike other... ticks... Or all the world's arthropods just collect there since it's so warm and sunny and all...

Think I got 28/30 points today... Only 27/30 points for the bird/mammal exam! :P

No real summer job in sight. Well, I did spend a great part of the job hunting season suspecting I was dying. :C How annoying that I wasn't. But I can lead a Penniless Existence... except for Monday, when I bought a new cam... (My old 2 Mpixels will not do, and dad got tired of my meddling with his cam. This one has 6 Mpixels, an unecessarily huge display, half the amount of batteries, and tiny little microscopic wee buttons that need to be pressed with a needle.) ...ahem, and today, when US dollars were so weak that it seemed stupid not to send The Nature Conservancy a lil something... :B

I have become a faithful user of the auction site Tradera though. At the mo I'm auctioning out 102 horsie pics on a CD. (Cheap to make, but easy for idiots to copy and spread all over, which is against them rulez I have set.) Someone has offered 9 SEK for it so far. :) Er, woohoo.

Also, I have put up an online note offering my cool dog-walking skillz in my area this summer. That is such a 13-year-old-job... but it would be sweet!

I'm off to start reading An awfully big adventure! And soothe my throat with strawberries! Maybe look for some library books in English, and decent trainers... Mum hates my black boots so much that she says she'll pay for trainers. Hehe, one good thing about her superficiality. Later I will go and see The da Vinci code in the Nice Cinema, where I have booked their last seat with extra room for me legs!

"Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire" world premiere, London!

The actual party part is marked in Ravenclaw blue, way down.
Go here for photos of... everything.

The Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban London premiere was a wicked brilliant 2004 miracle. After that I waited 1 year, 5 months and 1 week for the Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire premiere which took place on November 6, 2005 in Leicester Square, London!!!

I met up with fellow Rickmaniac/Pothead Lo at Stansted Airport on November 5 and hopped on the train. :D Like 2004. A bunch of other Potheads had dropped out for various reasons, such as illness, empty pockets and terrorism. :/ *feeds them garlic, loans and shields till 2007*

At the hostel it took us 4 minutes to meet a crazy guy who wanted to guide us around the area and give us loads of hugs and neck-smooches.

*evaluating tactile stimuli*
*processing*
*please wait*

...nah. Here's a baby monkey that has survived without much physical contact for years. :B

*grinds teeth*

Ahem. Between the 54943-floor toy shop Hamleys and a veteran car parade we spotted Sacha Baron Cohen as Ali G. (I mean, it looked like him. :B ) So that was a bonus. I made one attempt to get a picture of him + Lo + the guy, but Ali G was running around too quickly, we thought. :p

Broke my dehydration vow by trying a few millilitres of red tea and ice tea. YUM!!! Then I had a nice baguette with soy cheese. I suppose. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I have to laugh to fend off the bubbling panic. I need therapy so I can learn to trust cooks... and pilots and doctors. :p

When the two of us Potheads had been left to ourselves again, we walked past Teh Piccadilly Theatre Stage Door Alley and saw some kind of Ewan McGregor double. Unless it was Ewan. Hehe. But no, nobody was screaming and fainting around him. :O Then again, I heard a motorcycle roar to life somewhere in the block at half past 10 that night... :q

In BLESSED HOLY LEICESTER SQUARE we met a Pothead drama student from Washington State (hope she gets famous, hehe) whom we told about our barricade-clinging plans. She then seemed to consider stalking the stars as well. :)

*fills out crowd until everyone suffocates*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of irrelevant travel blog. The next day we arrived in Leicester Square around 7.45 am, kind of like 2004.

Yoze, days earlier: "No way there are going to be more people at this premiere than at the last! *teh simpsons doctor chuckle* It will be cold, dark and only 100-something days after the bombings, and even one of my Potheads cancelled her premiere plans because of those!"

Leicester Square, November 6, early morning: *contains massive crowd of camping fans from overseas*

Where they were standing seemed like a very good spot in 2004, and probably this year too. (SOMEONE TELL ME IF IT WAS, AND I'LL CAMP THERE IN 2007!!!) There was a suspiciously large amount of space left around our old spot though - opposite the entrance. We went there.

A guy came up to me and asked if I was Yoze. I was! :O He turned out to be the boyfriend of my net Rickmaniac Emma, who waved from across the street and later came over to chat for a bit. She had the best spot in the universe by the look of it - squished against the Odeon's wall and under a little roof! Mmmmmmmm! They left before the stars arrived though - Emma didn't think the wait was worth it as our darling Alan Rickman was in LA :/ and the boyfriend was even less keen on barricade-clinging.

A guard then came and told our bunch that the arrangements of everything would be different from the 2004 ones, and that our dear spot would therefore suck arse. The celebs would instead walk around inside the small park in the middle of the square. We ran to the north-east park gate, which remained eternally closed to our short queue. Waited another couple of hours in a HUGE FAT CROWDISH queue - we were eventually let in through the north-west gate. I had lost 99% of my hope for a front row spot...

...BUT WE GOT ONE!!! It was near the north-east gate and, um, we had no idea whether the celebs would come our way. But I figured they might LOOK at us and CONSIDER walking an extra 15 metres if we screamed loudly enough. Actually, I kept hoping that they would enter through the north-east gate... :B

That was until a guard tipped us off about another spot. "You may get to see some action here, but you'll definitely see it if you walk around the square and stand outside Yates's, there's still room." (Yates's was by the south-east park corner.) I hate responsibility, so I just kept Lo's barricade warm while she went. :B She decided the spot was good, she texted me and I only panicked for a minute before I found her outside Bar Crescent, near Yates's, front row! We eventually realised that the celeb cars would drive past our spot. And that the celebs wouldn't get out right in front of us... but a cop said he was sure someone would take a detour and come our way before going through the park. :D

Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd: "If that guard was wrong about the quality of this new spot, I'll chain him and make him stand here all day! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

-Around 1 pm, boredom started boring into me, same as last. :B
-The weather varied between rainy, windy, both and neither.
-Cooooohohohohoooooold.
-Lo had happened to leave her jumper in her room and was only wearing a t-shirt so I wrapped her in my fleece scarf, which I never really expected to use that day! Not warm enough. Hm, for a long time our crowd was so thin that one could technically have run back to the hostel and stolen 5 blankets, but that would have challenged Fate and resulted in a lost spot, I'll bet! :p
-Too bloody cold to mess around with food. I held my little bag of dried pineapple in the same hand as my umbrella, occasionally. (TEH EWAN UMBRELLA!) Eventually it kind of seemed easier to just wait for the hunger to tip over and disappear. :B
-Too bloody cold to do anything, really. *is cold-blooded*
-Every 3 s, passers-by stopped to ask Lo what everyone was waiting for. That was fun. :p
-My aunt and her boyfriend had won a weekend trip to London. They returned home that Sunday, but I was later told that they had checked out the Potheads of Leicester Square. Auntie's kid is a 14-year-old ex-Pothead...

We had learned that the celebs would arrive at 5 pm, and indeed they did. Throughout the day, the crowd had shrieked every time the film's trailer ran on some screen, or something. Now they shrieked every time a car stopped and dropped off celebs.

Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd #1: "DANIEL! DANIEL! DANIEL!"
Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd #2: "RUPERT! RUPERT! RUPERT!"
Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd #3: "SOMEONE FAMOUS!"

The cars stopped far away into the dark, umbrella carriers were running around in front of us, and loads of celebs went directly into the park. (Some after a little wave in our direction. :B ) And I have trouble recognising a lot of the actors without their makeup, even in daylight... :p

But the cop was right! Celebs came our way! Four of them - not just minor ones...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Rupert Grint came towards us, slinging a black marker. I was quite happy about this as I don't remember him getting so close last time. Now he missed Lo's autograph note :( but OMG, he signed my Goblet of Fire book! :D My first HP Trio autograph! And let's face it people, I have been heard saying that he is probably my fave actor of the Trio. :B

I got my sh*t together and remembered to look at his face before he stopped signing. :B Then he looked up. Yay! And I smiled at him. Well, you know, in my case, I THINK I smiled. :p Not sure whether I said "Thank you" or "Gag gag uhhhhh" either.

Then came Devon Murray, whose name escaped me for the duration of the trip. (Only "Matthew Lewis" kept popping up.) He used the fans' pens. The cap flew off the end of my pen (useless bahstah'd pen) when he took it and he looked down to see where it had gone. My "nevermind/that's OK" must have been nearly audible. His humble umbrella carrier woman picked up the cap and gave it to me. I thanked them both, and smiled... maybe!

Katie Leung also passed Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd, but alas! she missed Lo and me. Possibly because we were behind a bit of a corner and her umbrella carrier person dragged her along a slightly straighter line, I dunno. *makes complicated analysis of reasons for missed autographs* Or perhaps they just sign the emptiest pages, to save time and make it fair. :B At least my Katie pics turned out nice!

Yoze: "Please - "
Crowd: "SHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!"

And Tom Felton almost reached us! I don't remember being very close to him last time either - I got a better pic now...! But when he turned away again, I yelled "TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" OK, I can yell once every premiere, eh? At least I didn't shriek at all the cars.

*yelled at least twice last time, OMG*

I'm more or less certain that I also saw, in the distance, Timothy Spall, Warwick Davis and David Bradley.

Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd #1: "FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILCH!!!"
Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd #2: "DAAAAAAAAVIIIIIIID!!!"

And I thought I saw JKR - but I later learned that she wasn't there. :/ Then the crowd started shrieking "DAVID!!!" at another shadow, and I semi-panicked in case David Thewlis had for some reason made a surprise appearance. One of my Potheads who cancelled loves him to little pieces. But it wasn't "Solis" then... :B *re-checks gettyimages and counts davids*

Hmm, I learned a whole lot upon my return to Sweden, actually - Madonna had attended the premiere! Dammit, I've never seen her. Not that I'm a fan, exactly, it would just have been big. Oh well, they sent us Gunther from Friends in 2004. ;B

Btw, Lo's autograph note was the back of a guest list I had been given. It didn't feature quite enough grown men, in, er, some people's opinion. :B However, I would have had to commit seppuku with my dull umbrella if Alan R/Jason I/David T/Ralph F HAD been there but not approached Our Self-Pitying Part of the Crowd! Hehe!

But at least Alan seemed to spend eons signing in 2004... Maybe he would have come over to us now... :9 The press doesn't want to interview the baddie that badly, I suspect...

Mum: "Oh, I'm sure he would have come to you! He looks so kind!" :B

They can't all be absent from the premiere in June 2007, right...

Imaginary mum: "OMG CAMP IN LEICESTER SQUARE ARE YOU CRAZY AND OBSESSED AND IN NEED OF MEDICATION?!?!?!"
Real-life mum: "Why did you think I would mind you camping in Leicester Square? It'll be summer."

'Twill... Not that it can't be as cold in June as in November... :B But I could have camped now too, I think. *jumps, screams, pours boiling water on head*

2007 should be a pieca cake, provided I can get away from SCHOOL. 4 pm. Blanket, hat, scarf, jacket. Odeon roof thingy. Ask guards about barricade arrangements. Oh god, I HAVE to get to the front in a GOOD place.

Or Alan, Jason and the bunch can just do a few more plays before then to put me out of my misery. :B Noooooooo, I'm not ordering them around! :p

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had one more day in the company of London & Lo thought we should get lost at Harrods, so we did. They had some extreme stuff... Functional toy humvees, whole walls made of fossils, and... canes with silver knobs shaped like snakes...! (RIP-OFF!!! :9 ) And everything cost £70000000. Of course I bought something at Harrods though! A... deck of cards with Harry Potter images on 'em! *gasp*

Oh, and Harrods apparently also had Kim Cattrall, who would be signing her book somewhere, sometime - I didn't hear where or when though, and wasn't going to try to find anything specific at Harrods, or miss my train, even for... a random celeb. :O

Then I drank a gallon of some sorely missed juice and flew home. Horrible turbulence. I read my school articles, thought about Alan, tried to sleep and managed to act cool until the end of the journey when the turbulence got bad to the level of everyone going "Oooooooooooooooh, waaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Yoze: XC 8( :O

Steward after touch-down: "...and to those of you who smoke, please refrain from smoking because that is REALLY REALLY BAD for your health!!!" XD

Bye for now, I'm sure you'll make do with this crude blog... Stop crying... *tosses cookies*

Two years of a fuller life!

On October 30, 2003 I caught myself thinking a lot about that ALAN guy. :D

ONE WEEK TO GO AND THEN - the Alan-less Goblet of Fire London premiere. And Jason isn't in the UK. And David isn't in the film. And Emma Thompson wasn't at the last premiere. And... And... And I still suspect school will stupidly try to keep me in Sweden. It's 99% paranoia though. Anyway, I think I COULD tell a funeral tale rather than waste 10 weeks (course) and 1000 SEK (London). IT HAS TO WORK OUT!!! XC I'll know by Thursday... +P

Tomorrow I will turn in the last two crap papers of this past course. Extremely interesting course - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - and at least I've learned SOMETHING and am now whipped by more panic than before, I think, woohoo, but my grade will SUCK! 6 papers and no exams. It's been nearly impossible to fail, but since I've never seen a whole or drawn a conclusion in my LIFE I won't get star grades either.

There are 3 levels here:
U = Failure
G = OK
VG = Can I Have My Picture Taken With You?

Teacher: "Oh, you can work together with someone on this first paper... AS LONG AS I DON'T SEE YOU DO IT! GROWL!"
Classmate, later: "YAY! Got a VG- for Paper 1, I'd never have made it if I hadn't worked together with someone! :D"
Teacher, talking to someone nearby: "If you scored a G+ here and do great on the other papers, I'll start thinking about giving you a total grade of VG."
Lone Ranger Yoze biting her G: "@£$€#¤%&@£$%!!!"

Not that I expected to do great on any papers, but in any case - who will want to hire One Of Them Rangers with a G in conservation biology?! :p The most effective thing to do might be suicide asap, so I can give all my earthly posessions to conservation projects. :B

Kidding... I suppose... Until I see the grade of my next course, which also seems very relevant to my future, that is... SNIFF. XC I'M GONNA FECKING GO FOR A HIGHER GRADE THERE!!! DAMMIT!!! WHIP ME HARDER!!! OOOOOH YEAH!!!

Moreover, they say a similar course will come up a few years from now. WHIP!!!

BUT! I can settle for something less than American minister for the environment. :D *canned laughter* (Hmm, wonder if they have such a minister???) Any dirty old conservation work would feel more or less meaningful. (Just gimme $$ for tea, planes, hot water, broadband and other basic necessities. +P Dude, maybe I should be under a bridge.) I see myself building fences. In certain pretty places. Hehehehehehehe. Hehehe. Or getting shot by poachers and left to die slowly for 5 days. Or (if lousy Rangers don't get shot) guarding an area against some evil company's bulldozers. (Ahem ahem. Wonder if anyone would give you tea money for that.) Or writing panicky things on milk packets. For example "Quit drinking this goddamn milk, [insert methane emission stats here], HAAAAAHA!"

Then again, they say vv few biologists find work in their field. If that problem persists (which a lot of people say it won't, and just for the sake of the planet I hope they are right, and they also say the world's been waiting for them omnipotent Rangers) I can always deny that my future position behind the register at McMurder (THAT WILL BE MURDER! GAWD I'M FUNNY!) had anything to do with my grades. :p

Siiiiiiiiiiigh.

One week of the extremely interesting course was spent 130 km away, in that luxurious hotel again. (Where I did NOT stay with THE GUY this time!!! We were 4 lasses in one room instead. Huh, huh, huh. Nah. Oh, and I already shared that vision of olive oil and pink pillows with someone.) We sat around sippin tea and discussing the big questions, such as "WTF are we gonna say to convince Bush once he lets us into his cosy office???" I don't know why we couldn't do that at school. (The discussions, I mean...!) Maybe they didn't want our everyday lives to distract us, someone suggested. :9 *licks vegan gourmet food which i hope was rilly vegan all the time, ahem* It was quite pleasant, we watched photos and docus at night, and the paper I wrote there got a higher grade than the previous one. G+/VG-. *whip* Which, then, officially doesn't mean sh*t.

Jane Ey-Something by Charlotte Bront-Something does Norway

Wow, I've got a blog? OK, since last time...

1. I went back to Norway. I did all the typical energetic Norway activites last year & shot all the mountains I could, so this time around I just READ. Jane Eyre - everyone talks about it. As usual, I suspect the majority of Everyone are Rickmaniacs. :D No doubt whom they had discussed as a role for Alan, even though I could not remember any names.

Mr Rochester...

AND HOW RIGHT THEY WERE! ALAN HAS TO PLAY MR ROCHESTER OR I'LL SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!

Evil producer: "Yeah Yoze, you just screamed. Forget the whole film. *BLAM*"

2. I passed the floristics, I MEAN HERBOLOGY, exam which everyone knew they were going to fail. Especially after the teacher told us he had ALMOST failed his. The plants we'd learned by heart were... easy enough, but then we had to identify the other half of the exam plants using a key, ie knowing what the hell the little book meant by "hairy", "red", "large" and "stinkin'", exactly.

Our greatest fear were the horribly difficult grasses. The grasses were our arch enemies. At least there wouldn't be more than 1 grass out of the 15 key exam plants... would there?
It would. 2/15 plants were grasses. I got them both wrong. Dragged down my grade. The grasses must all DIE!

Except oat.

3. At least I could now allow myself to go and see... The Island! The first movie I saw in the cinema mainly (in this case only) because of Ewan... Lucky I went though, because it wasn't as bad as They want you to believe. It was... in fact... about...

THE MEAT INDUSTRY

...I chose to think. Therefore I am extra annoyed that it flopped, if that's what happened! Oh well, now YOU know, so go & devour some propaganda spiced with the LOVELY EWAN!!! *stalks writer to ask about diet*

I had a deep semi-conversation with Ewan McGregor!

*is forcefully dragged off london-gothenburg plane, though panting happily*

June 27 - July 1 (CANADA DAY, WOOHOO) 2005: My 4th visit - but my first proper touristy London holiday since 1999... Beware of The da Vinci code spoilers!

Activities, buys and sights:

• Alan-stalking: I didn't care to conduct any hard-arse research just before I went, so I trusted some dim memories of location names I had picked up online, way back. (Worry not, Alan, I never broke into anything. Just strolled through potentially holy 'hoods. :x ) And besides, I hear he was in the US on June 27, at least...! :p
• Buckingham Palace: I walked past it. No, just joking. I stopped and created an enormous sand painting saying "ASK TEH RICKMAN IF HE WOULD LIKE TO BE KNIGHTED, FOR BOB'S SAKE!!!" (in the typeface Jokerman) on the ground of the court yard. No, I didn't. Really. REALLY!!! But I was consuming a Calippo Orange at the time. Huh, huh, huh.
• Camden Market: My mum seemed most excited about visiting markets. I bought heaps of sh*t. Namely, a bag of tea called Notting Hill :D which smells yummy, like a popsicle. (Gasp, I appear unable to drop the subject of popsicles.)
• General celeb-stalking: We took a walk from the Notting Hill Gate tube station. :B Aight. Years ago, I read that Gillian Anderson had settled on Xxxxxxxxxx Road, so I stumbled onto it. Yay.
• Westminster Abbey: Nick Lea is from New Westminster, so maybe he visited the ole church for fun! And it's packed with dead celebs! And The da Vinci code goes there! I was most thrilled to see the Chapter House (with which The da Vinci code people wouldn't have had to bother if they'd let me work out that PIECA CAKEY password) and a coronation chair made in 1301 :O , along with the graves of Edward I (Braveheart baddie, hehe, who had the coronation chair made), Elizabeth I (usually, what LITTLE history I know, I learn from films... :p Er, whatever works... No, seems they're rarely accurate... And Elizabeth bored me although Cate kix arse :/ ), Newton (whose grave was in The da Vinci code! Oh, and he also helped to make the world see reason and believe in science and all that, splendid), Churchill (if he was really there, I'm not sure) and Darwin, whose grave I just had to touch! With both of my palms! Lucky it wasn't behind a fence. Then I hammered 8 chips out of it to sell on E-bay, licked the entire stone slab twice so it would be very nice and clean, and emptied a whole barrel of flower petals of every species and colour onto it! No. You know I don't go for bearded dudes!
• British Museum: In 1999, I visited because I knew Nick had been there. :B Done. Now I also wanted to see the Rosetta stone, and buy a replica of one of them wee figurines which look like Wizard Chess men, and... and... and... hmm, they've got 699 998 other objects... ah well, no entrance fee. We donated some heavy small change we wanted to get rid of. 10 p.
• Temple Church: The da Vinci code goes there! (I'm suddenly happy I saw the Mona Lisa before a certain rumoured 6-week queue developed! Bloody fanatics! ;) The church was less crowded.) A sign said "We charge nothing for the pictures you take, so kindly donate ££ OR ELSE!!!" I felt rather bad about taking millions of shots and wearing out their floor, so I donated some more heavy pocket change. Must re-take Inferno Test.
• Kensington Gardens: I had no time for Hyde Park, but I've been there... and it was probably closed due to Live8. Btw. I obviously didn't know about Live8 when I decided to - leave - London - on - July - 1! STUPID BAHSTAH'D ME!!! What evil force keeps me out of U2:s way? I even missed their TV appearance, not to mention their upcoming concert in my town! Ahem... Anyway... Kensington Gardens, nice place.
• Forbidden Planet: Rich sci-fi shop (on 79 Shaftesbury Avenue, near Neal Street). But I found no Snape or Gríma action figures. I shall go and have a long good cry now. :( Maybe I was just in too much of a hurry, though.
• Alan in the Make Poverty History campaign: I knew there would be lovely Alany ads on the tube station walls. There were. Ahhh. Teh Wrist will possibly save the Earth!
• The da Vinci code parodies: I knew of two, and found them! The asti spumante code by Toby Clements, and The va Dinci cod by A.R.R.R. Roberts. Should be wonderful. >:B Flipping through The va Dinci cod in the shop, I discovered two signatures written in black ink... They looked authentic... I asked, and they were. The authors of the parody and the original (Dan Brown) had signed the book! I checked another one in the pile. Unsigned! :O HA!!! If I ever find myself in great need of cold hard cash, I shall E-bay the siggies to fanatics. But that wouldn't be fun.
• The Royal Court Theatre bar: Again! Twice. Staring at those stairs is so soothing. :) So is fantasising about all the chairs being taken, except... the one next to me... and Alan walks up and asks if I mind... (:B *SNAP* Cooooooosy. I'm only waiting for smoking to become illegal in British bars. *blows tar-filled nose generously on the great collective shirt of all arrogant anti-non-smoker smokers*
• Much pain & suffering: The days were too long for my feet and mum's back. Luckily, a bit of afternoon rest did the trick. Must... live, breathe... and... eat... London... to... the fullest...
• King's Cross Station: I had no business there, except to look for Platform 9.75! Unsuccessfully! I don't even think there were 9 platforms! :O *calls for lengthy therapy*
• ... and theatre...

We stayed at Piccadilly Backpackers Hotel (cough, cough, show me the ad money), and shared a dorm with a maximum of 6 other people.

INCLUDING GUYS!!! :O

Hey, I didn't know they had mixed dorms. a) Mum pretended to be a little upset about it. b) Aussies travel a lot, eh?

Anyway, the hostel is a wall-to-wall neighbour of Piccadilly Theatre. :D As y'all clearly remember from an earlier blog, during my last visit, the hostel staff attempted to cure my pervy Rickmania by informing me that young Master Ewan McGregor was doing a play at this very theatre. (Where Alan also did Tango at the end of winter in 1991, oh GOD, why do I have to be so slow to discover fave actors?! Hem hem.) I flew home and happened to force a Ewan fan to read the blog. I like Ewan, but this more major fan went bananas and wanted to find out more about the play. I thought I'd look around too, knowing I'd be back in London in the summer. (The Ewan fan is going this autumn. :B )

So, thanxx, hostel staff and C. :D The play was called Guys and dolls and would run well beyond the summer. Considering the considerable number of Ewan fans on Earth, I considered it best to order myself a ticket as soon as my London summer trip had been booked.

I also decided to look for the stage door. I KNEW that if it was at all findable, a crowd of young lasses covered in Ewan tattoos would make it easy to locate. I was correct... WOW...

*COUGH*Denman Street*COUGH*

The night before I saw the play, I went stage door-hunting. Rather early on, mum and I passed an alley crossing an alley crossing an alley (OK, street) crossing Piccadilly Circus. A few people stood looking out of the first alley. I don't ruddy look at people. Must maintain my asocial image.
Mum: "Well, there it was! Those were actors standing in the alley."
Yoze: "WhoTF do you think you are, Einstein?"
Mum: "But they were wearing 30's outfits, dear."
Yoze: *gag*

We dined at a nearby (everything was nearby) Thai restaurant where a mad electrician received a jolt from the AC (but survived) while a powerful, cosy thundercloud and rainshower arrived outside. I did not let that stop us from going back to the potential stage door - tonight's play had now ended. And there was the pack of females! In the rain! :D

A bunch of bodyguards, who were firm but gentle (huh, huh, huh), herded them. Autograph hunters on the theatre side of the street, photographers on the other. We placed ourselves there, I hadn't whipped up the courage to... hmmm... MEET EWAN!!! :O I had two more nights to get a siggy. Bah. Our sidewalk were told: "When Ewan McGregor comes out, do not cross the street!" Or we'd block it. A while passed. The rain breathed down the backs of our necks.

Photo-side girls: "Haha, we are so sad!"

I crouched under a Snapey black umbrella dangerously near splashing cars, so that I would be as close as possible to Ewan, hehe. After that While, the crowd stirred and I brought out the camera. Batteries died on me. I changed them. My camera batteries are very thrilling.

Guard: "OK, you can go home! Ewan McGregor isn't coming out here tonight! No autographs! No pictures!"
Stalkers: "Ha, ha... ha."
Guard: *moves past the point where one reveals a joke* "If you want autographs, come back tomorrow night around 10.20! 10.20! But he will not come out after the matinée!"
Yoze: "10.20 10.20 10.20 10.20 10.20 10.20 10.20 10.20 10.20..."
Stalkers: *weep* *wail* *howl* *cry* *sniff*

Although I naturally understand that one doesn't want to be stalked 24-7, I still would have wept and howled if I'd, like, used my life savings to travel from Australia to London for just one night (MOULIN ROUGE LINE!!!) to see the only person I ever loved. *cries for anyone to whom this applies*

*dabs eyes* Next day. June 29, 2005. British Museum. Forbidden Planet. Ill tube. THEATRE TICKET!!! Sweat. Soap. Gobble down baguette.

The charming well-acted true cute funny old musical caught sceptical me off my guard (huh, huh). It was totally OK. I only regret that I didn't bring binoculars... WTF was I thinking? Getting used to tiny theatres like the one in which Alan's play ran, am I? ;B There were rental binoculars for £1.50. Everyone asked everyone for change. Nuthin. Sniff. But no matter. There was only air between Ewan and me. I was in the same room as Ewan. I was inhaling wonderful amounts of water vapour recently exhaled by Ewan. :D Didn't my mama tell me not to exchange blood with strangers? Er... noooooshedidnt...

Too far away to recognise Ewan's face, I was still able to ID him by his lovely voice. :B (Well, eventually I noticed there was only one other main actor and that guy was balding.) Hey Yoze, finding out the names of people's characters in advance can be a good idea... :p

I had seen the matinée so I took care of a few other unimportant things, like... whatsitcalled, DINNER, while waiting for the magical 10.20. :S And I got extra batteries. Good for my heart. When I returned from Uncle Dave's Battery Shop (...) there were women standing around the stage door.

GASP! WOMEN?! REALLY?!

3 of them. They chatted with the guard about the horrible London traffic, and I rambled instructions to my mum the photographer, until it was time for those women to... step deep inside the alley and disappear. Maybe they were press. Or idol-date winners. I think I want to be too. The guard asked me if I was with them. Hehe, what if I'd said yes. :B

Now I found myself AT THE FRONT of a 10-minute queue of stalkers. I must have looked like the greatest Ewan appreciater ever. I didn't want the better fans behind me to believe this... However, I did want to watch a few others go for it, so I could try to avoid making some common mistake they might make. >:D

Yoze: *turns to pair of girls behind her* "Er... Would you like to step in front of me in the queue?"
Girls: "Um..." *frown & are certain beyond all doubt that yoze is mental & dangerous* "Whyyyy...?"
Yoze: "Cuz I'm... nervous... ehehe..." *shrinks*

Ha, let's just say there were probably some in the queue who were more nervous. But mine was a long story to tell strangers.

Girls: "You don't wanna be the first? OOOOOOK..." *step in front*
Mum: *leaps across street* "What are you DOING, Yoze?! You letting those two little brats STEP ON YOU? You need to stop being such a VICTIM!"
Yoze: *rolls eyes & sings robbie williams's misunderstood, solo... not*

The clouds thickened and rain started, and intensified. I borrowed mum's Snapey umbrella again and tried to fit the two front girls under it as well so they'd think I was less dangerous. Possibly got the opposite effect. I hope the dripping from its edge didn't ruin anything for them. <:B Gulp.

Guard: "Sigh, it's 50/50 now... He doesn't like rain."
Yoze: "I HATE LONDON!"

... I didn't say.

The crowd began to stir once more. Other theatre employees exited the alley and trotted off, but suddenly the stalkers emitted an unmistakable sort of: "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAL!!!" I was 0.7 m from the corner, from behind which Ewan suddenly had appeared. :O His sleek hair shone in the night and I think he was smiling. (How should I remember?) According to my camera, this happened at 10.39pm. :) One or both of the girls in front of me got his siggy. No time for me to watch for mistakes. But at least I had made a mental note not to poke any of his pretty, radiant eyes out with my umbrella. :B

It now seemed I was the one closest to him. I hesitated for 8 ns while Ewan looked around for the next fangirl, or something. Then I gave him the CD leaflet from my Moulin Rouge soundtrack, along with my diary as a writing plate.

The following Deep Semi-Conversation is not necessarily complete or accurate. :p

Yoze: "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" :D

After an embarrassing tongue-tiedness which struck me in front of another celeb, I decided to clear my sorry throat during all subsequent celeb meetings by at least yelling this simple and disarming word, accompanied by a :D . At least I hope I was smiling. They say I don't smile enough, even when I believe I'm smiling. :p

Ewan: "Just move that a bit... Your umbrella..."

After the meeting with Ewan, Yoze decided to ensure that any umbrella in her hand during all subsequent celeb meetings was actually NOT obscuring anybody's view of items to be autographed.

Anyway, my mum says he touched the umbrella at this point! Awww, he didn't want me to do all the shifting and lifting alone! :x I don't feel up to E-baying that umbrella either.

I waved a silver pen I had bought earlier in the day, before I discovered he was using his own black pen. Smart man, he is. :9 And Ewan kindly wrote his name on the leaflet! :D I don't think our fingers touched or that our eyes met. And as always, I forgot to go for a handshake. :p You live, and learn not. NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING.

The Eternal Tongue-Tie: *lurks*
Guard: *does not fly to hawaii to give ewan & stalker private moment*
Ewan: *finishes up siggy*
Yoze: *makes up mind & inhales* "I enjoyed the show very much!"
Ewan: *hands back siggy and diary*
Yoze: "Thank you..." *takes a single... few... leaps across street & tries not to let umbrella ruin anybody's breathtaking view* "MUM! CAM! CAM! Watch the rain! Take this siggy... Don't smear it, now. SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!"

I parked myself on the photographers' sidewalk and took as many pictures as I could, while observing that Ewan lets fans hug him. :9 Hhhhhhhhh... Hhhhhh... "Eeeheehee... Damn!" But I probably wouldn't have had the guts anyway! :O Would feel like I was harassing him! Feeling guilty about something already, am I? :p

Posing for pictures was not allowed, as it would have taken all night. Mmmmmm... Oh. Right. Rhyme. My last photo was snapped at 10.49pm, when Ewan had taken care of everyone in the queue, as I recall! :) Then he left us. Good-bye and good-nite and thank you, my pie. :D

Mum: "Hey, he was handsome! Looked like Bryan Adams! (:9 How old is he?"
Yoze: "30-summat... But save your bodily fluids, I think he's married."
Mum: *weep* *wail* *howl* *cry* *sniff*

This woman hated the 15 minutes of Moulin Rouge that she bothered to watch... Wonder if Trainspotting would be her cuppa tea? >:B

We waited the next evening too... Just another glimpse wouldn't have been too painful, eh? No rain, but no Ewan either. At least Jane Krakowski stopped by to sign a whole bunch of things. I wasn't quick enough to ask for a siggy myself, but took some pics of her posing with fans. :)

-------------------------------------------------

Umm, I believe it is time to cast off my resistance to true Ewan fandom (ie his place on my... highly respectable Fave Actors List) and let the fuzzy infatuation drug flow, the best it can. Sick of resisting just because... uh... he's young, pwetty, well-known and endowed with a huge army of Squealing Fangirls, unlike some people. :B Hmpf!

SNOBBY BAHSTAH'D ME!!! :p

But I've been appreciating his acting for years... (HELLOOOOOOO?! TEH VERSATILITY! ME LOVES!) And... hehe... his beauty for... months... since I finally saw Moulin Rouge. ;) *pinches cheeks* The first time I got a good look at him went like this in my diary:

"November 24, 1998, Tuesday
... Then ER was... good as hell. First time I saw Ewan McGregor, he was cool ..."

I think he made me bawl, and I even sorta remember one of his lines. "You didn't want that man to die either!" Right? :D I've had other good times in the tele-company of Ewan:

"September 3, 1999, Friday
... Then Trainspotting aired. Cool! We taped it ..."

Drugs are baaaaad, mmm'kay?

"November 4, 2002, Monday
... Then I felt like watching Trainspotting and did so ... I ate ice-cream with chocolate sauce while watching the diarrhea scene ..."

That's strange. I remember it being chocolate pudding. With whipped cream. Blargh, those were my more sinful days. Anyway. Memory is a fascinating thing. *mumble*

"January 15, 2005, Saturday
... Then I taped Moulin Rouge ... Btw the film was kinda funny (similar to Shakespeare in love...), and the 30 billion Ewan fans are not wrong ..."

"January 18, 2005, Tuesday
... Well, now I watched Moulin Rouge again ... maybe I'll buy it ... [Hey, you try watching it with the songs subtitled. :p ] Ewan, too, is of course more than OK."

Can't say that sitting through one entire Star wars in 1999 was such a good time, but I remember another Ewan line. "Yes master." Go me.

Yes! I can feel the fuzz, master! Think I'll start following his career now - perhaps even watch a Star wars or two, before I go toes-up! :O (But let's not rush things. :p ) No, I haven't seen a lot of his work. <:B Bully me not, master.